2015: what a year! In previous posts of mine on TCC, I talked about being blessed with the opportunity to be brought on full-time at my church. This was something my wife and I had prayed over for many years, and then God opened those doors for our family.
It was definitely a change of pace. I had, and still have, large aspirations for the ways I can minister to those in my church body. When I was bi-vocational, time was so limited. I thought that being a full-time pastor would allow me to fulfill all of those things I had aspired to do for years and years when I was part-time. However, once I got into the flow of things I found out just how many responsibilities and needs were within our church. So many in need; so many things needing to be done. I had also not taken in account the time that would be need to face the challenges my own family would soon encounter.
We’ve been on quite the emotional roller coaster ride since Easter Sunday. Family relationships began to face trials and strains, to the likes we’d never seen. It was very challenging to remain focused on my wife and children, my church body, and my school work simultaneously. (I’m also student at Liberty University.) I felt the stress of leadership, family, and school weighing on my shoulders. We prayed for relief, and I prayed specifically to be focused on what was important; my family and my calling.
Then came the end of summer. My eldest daughter, who was going into her second year at a private school we loved, was not approved for the funding support we required to send her to that school. It seemed really devastating to me, that I was unable to provide a way for her to attend the school. My wife assured me that this was part of God’s plan and that we needed to just trust that the move to a new school was the right thing. My wife is my rock in situations like this. Then, not a few weeks later, our A/C in our house went out completely and we had to replace the entire unit. (We live in Florida.) The stress just continued to build.
This may sound like self-pity, but I’m getting to the point soon.
By the time we hit August the roller coaster had sped up. We experienced an auto-accident, and some more trials with family. But nothing could prepare me for the news I was about to receive. I got a call from my older sister who informed me that she had just left the doctor’s office with my Mom and Dad. My mother had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. This cancer had spread to multiple parts of her body and was incurable. Radiation, Chemotherapy, and surgery were not an option. The doctor told my sister that his prognosis for my Mom’s remaining time with us was less than one year. I immediately broke down and cried. I don’t think I’ve cried that much since I was a young child. All I could picture was my youngest daughter not having much personal recollection of her amazing Grandmother. I couldn’t imagine my Mom as just a memory. It broke our hearts.
Even in all of this, as the rain just kept falling, I still tried my best to remain focused on my calling. My family needed me, my church needed me, and I needed purpose. I had begun to lose sight of things. My prayer life was slipping, and my focus was becoming more blurred by the minute. How could I rejoice with so much happening? How could I minister and help others find God through worship, when I was having a hard time hearing His still, small voice through all of the thunderous situations in our lives?
September 19, 2015. It was Saturday at around 9:00pm when I received word that one of my best friends, Eddie, (the man who helped me discover my calling), and his bride of 8 years had given birth to their second child earlier that morning. They had known throughout their pregnancy that there were medical complications. However, we all kept the faith and fervently prayed that God would heal their little boy. The word I received that Saturday evening was not the news we had all been praying for. Their beautiful baby boy had gone home to be with Jesus that evening. I was heartbroken. I honestly questioned why this would happen to this amazing couple. A couple that consistently testified the Gospel through their marriage and their ministry. Suddenly, my problems didn’t seem so large. I couldn’t even imagine what my fellow Worship Pastor and his wife were experiencing. Even the thought of losing a child wrenched my inner being. My wife, my rock, encouraged me to drive south about 4 hours to be with them at the memorial service. As I sat in that church surrounded by a very loving church family that Eddie and Deanna are blessed with, I listened to my best friend tell the story of God’s grace in the midst of what I considered a tragedy. He spoke of the lives that this story had touched. He spoke of God ministering through so many to help him and his wife. But then he spoke words that I could not fathom. “Through all of this, God has shown my wife and I how we can better minister to others.” I cried. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and hearing. A real miracle right before my tear-filled eyes! God had covered my friends with so much love and grace that they could see nothing else but how to serve and love Him more. They had taken a tragedy which I think no one should ever have to endure, and viewed it as a blessing.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
My eyes were open to an invaluable lesson: Even when it hurts, we can praise Him. Even in the storms of life, we can find Him. In those situations our calling is tested. Are we truly ready to pick up our cross and follow Him? Can we weep like Jesus did over Lazarus, but wipe the tears away to see the Father standing there with open arms? The answer is yes! We are freed from all bondage. We have peace, as believers, to know that God’s love is greater than this world. We find rest in knowing that Jesus is there to hold us through every hardship, diagnosis, and tragedy.
One final thing: I asked my Mom if she would consider traveling to cancer centers around the country to see if there were alternative treatment options. Here was her response:
“John, if God leads me to go somewhere, I’ll go. I know the Lord could heal me in an instant, and what a testimony that would be! But if it’s not His will to heal me, the last years of my life will be a greater testimony than a miracle healing! I will love on my family, love on my church, and love my God. I will leave a lasting example of what it means to love Jesus.”
love you John.
❤