Interview Transcript
I started a prayer journal in 2020, when kind of the world started to shut down. And we were in a pretty, pretty scary place. And I didn’t, I think there were so many unknowns and had a lot of anxiety about what was about to happen and what was about to unfold. And I just felt in that moment, okay, I need to talk to God. And I had done a lot of journaling before that, and I had put my feelings to paper. But putting prayers down in a journal is just something that I don’t know, it just changed the way that I pray. And so I started to, to do that for you know, the next couple years, and I just, I started to see God moving in my life in a whole new way. You know, I have this prayer journal, but I also have a Bible sitting next to me, where I go in and I read God’s word, and I read what is true. And you know, I talked to him about it. And I asked him all the questions. And I started to really see God in a whole new way and encounter the Holy Spirit in a whole new way. And looking back on where that prayer journal was, in 2020, I saw answered prayers, just everywhere. And I think that’s one of the coolest parts, I think that’s why I encourage a lot of people to write their their burrs down in a journal is because you can look back and you can see how good God really is in every single season. Yeah, and I mean, it doesn’t mean that those seasons weren’t incredibly hard. And a lot of times looking back on those things can be difficult, because, for me, I look back on some of those prayers that I prayed. And I’m like, that was one of the most challenging things I ever had to walk through. And some some of those moments, I didn’t even know where God was. But I still talked to him because I felt like I needed to. And I knew that was my lifeline. So, so that prayer journal, you know, now that I have this song, that is a prayer, I looked back on it, and I started highlighting words, lines of the song that I was once praying over my own life. And now I get to pray that over others, which is just the coolest thing that I ever gotten to do,
What encouragement do you have for those that are dealing with anxiety over these past few years?
Well, that’s actually, you know, my encouragement would actually be to get a journal. And I would say, get two of them. Don’t just get one. Because one of those books can be where you write down all of your feelings and you validate them, you say, Okay, these are real feelings, real feelings that God gave me. And then in your prayer journal, you give them to God. And you said, God, please take these, because I wasn’t meant to carry this weight wasn’t meant to carry this burden. And, you know, he’ll provide peace that surpasses all understanding. He doesn’t, he never fails to do that. And it doesn’t mean that, you know, I don’t deal with that. Still. I do. And especially, like you said, in this time that we’re living in, but I really just have this, this trust. And I also have built a faith that is my foundation that I stand on. And faith is walking through something not knowing what in the world is about to happen. And I think that’s what we’re doing every single day. Just trusting God.
Tell us about Tiktok, how did God use it for your ministry?
Yeah, I mean, God definitely took something unexpected and he turned it to something so crazy. And I just thank him for that every single day. What happened was I just took a song that I was it meant a lot to me in the moment. Truthfully, that prayer came out of an anxiety attack. Like what I brought into the writers room on the day that I started writing the song. It came out have an anxiety attack that I’d had. And it was one of those moments where, where God was like, I have a song for you and and I just sat at my piano and I was like, Okay, God, what are you gonna do with this? You know, and and when I when I posted it to Tik Tok. I think other people were, were feeling like, this was their story that they, they needed these words, and in their season that they were walking through. And I was so grateful for that. Because, you know, like I said, a prayer I wants prayer to prayed over my own life, was now being prayed over so many people. And the stories are incredible, like I have, I’ve gone through as many as I possibly can. And I have just been so blown away by how God is using this. Because he, he doesn’t have to do that. He doesn’t have to do that. But the fact that he is is just something that I it is such it is such a gift.
Having now “gone viral” what kind of encouragement/cautions would you give for those that are out there still chasing after going viral for themselves?
Um, that’s such a hard thing. Because you know, it, especially at this time that we’re living in where our phones are, you know, where our faces are all the time. And, you know, we’re scrolling through Tik Tok, we’re, we’re seeing other people getting what we want. And we’re comparing ourselves to those people. And if we don’t get that, then all of a sudden, oh, I’m not, I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough for you know, whatever. And in that moment, when I made that video, not at all having the intention to go viral, I had had a couple videos do well. And the high lasts for like two seconds. And then it goes away. And you will always be wanting more, if you ever get to that point. And it’s never satisfying. My mentor in my life, he had said to me, he was like, he spent a lot of time on your phone, a lot of time looking at all those numbers. And he said, That’s not what’s important. And that will not validate you. And you’re worth a lot more than that. And when I heard him say those words, I, it was that day that I was like, Okay, I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to put my worth in this. Because that’s, that does not mean anything in the long run. And so it was, this video was posted after he had said that. So I didn’t go back in and check it until it was to the place that it is now. It was at around a million views. And I was like and now the thing is, is that I’ve also realized, if this video had only had one view on it, and that one person took something away from it, it would have still been worth it. And it was would have still been what God needed me to do. Yeah. So for that worship leader, for that person who’s putting their, you know, Christian music on Tik Tok or Instagram or wherever it’s being put, don’t have the intention to go viral. God’s gonna do with it, what he needs to do. And he’s gonna glorify His name through it, he’s gonna magnify himself through it, no matter what. So, but keep doing it. I mean, the thing is, is that consistency is also very helpful, you know, if you keep, keep moving forward and all of it then then God is going to bless that. And so yeah, I just encourage people to not give up on on what they’re doing. And also not forget the reason why they do it.
Tell us a bit about your story, how did you start leading worship?
I started leading worship when I was 18 years old. I had never really seen myself like as a worship leader or ever doing that. It wasn’t something that like I even knew much about. I didn’t really know I didn’t really know what it meant to be a worship leader. Let’s just say that because, you know, I knew about worship leading but I didn’t know what it meant to do it. And so I had actually seen a carry job concert at one point. And I felt like the way she worshipped if I ever was a worship leader was how I wanted to worship. And so in 2018, I met my mentor Josh havens, he’s in a band called afters. And key is the worship pastor at the church that I went to in Arizona, and he kind of took me under his wing and started teaching me how to lead well, and lead with a heart of worship, you know, and not, you know, to remove myself from it, and put myself aside. And he also helped me learn how to write Christian songs and write worship music. Because that was a really big part of what they do at the grove is they write songs for the church and things like that. And, and so I was able to kind of have that gifting nurtured by somebody who had been doing it for a long time. And also just one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met in my life. He’s the same onstage as he is offstage. And, and so I started doing that. And I realized, okay, this is what it feels like to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. And, and also, I just knew that like, that was where God was leading me to, was to a place of worship, and not doing any of this for selfish reasons. And more. I definitely had a season of my life where I wanted to do it, because I wanted to do it for me. Yeah, well, I did it for God emit so much more. That’s awesome.
What does it mean to be a worship leader?
Yeah, I mean, right now, I would consider myself a worship leader. But it the thing that I think is so interesting is that, even though I feel as though I’m leading people in worship, I almost feel like they’re leading me in worship. Like, we’re all one. Like, when we’re in a place of worship. Yeah, we’re all you know, having our own individual conversation with God, I just think is one of the most incredible things. And what I hope is that my music will will bring them to a place of, okay, I can talk to God. Okay, I can have a moment where I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit, and I have an intimate relationship with the Lord. And because I think a lot of people, they’re, they’re timid in that way. And I was once that, so I just know that that place, but I just want to give everything that God needs me to give. So really, what I’m doing is, while I consider worship leading, I also just feel like I’m serving, I’m a servant. And if I can steward this gift, in a way that is serving someone else.
Tell us about the balance between leading worship and being the person on the front of the stage. How do we stay humble?
Yeah, I mean, it’s so funny that you say that because I, I was helping a high school worship leader, kind of learn how to lead well. And I was I was pretty much a vocal coach. That was what I was doing. But I also felt like I had this. I needed to help her in also knowing what it meant to have a heart worship, because I wasn’t just giving her okay, you’re going to go perform well, no, you’re you’re going to go up there. And you’re going to remove yourself from the scenario. And you’re going to give to people what you have inside of you. Because that’s why God put it there. That’s why God placed it in you. And for the young worship leader, and I’ve seen this so many times. I think a lot of times, they’re like, I want to impress somebody, right when I press somebody, and I mean even myself when I started I was 18 So I was just fresh out of high school. And I think there was still that thing in me of like, oh, Okay, well, I have to go and I have to perform well, this isn’t a performance, don’t put on a show for people, they don’t need a show. They need to feel something they need to. But even then, we can’t trust our feelings. We need to be brought to a place of conviction. That’s the feeling. I want you to feel like you. I mean, in the weirdest way possible. I almost want someone to feel like, Oh, I’ve, I’ve messed up. I’m a sinner. I want them to see that. So that they can bring themselves to the place of like, adoration for the Lord, because I don’t think you can do that until you’ve humbled yourself.
There have been some incredible testimonies coming from you sharing your song online, tell us your thoughts on worship online?
Yeah, I mean, leading someone online is is almost just like putting out a song and letting someone listen to it. You know, I think that they’re pretty much the same thing. And that well, Tik Tok is shorter clips of that. So like, they didn’t get a whole song, they got this small clip, the amount of people have been like, I played that clip 20 times a day. Because I needed to hear it. I was like, I’m so sorry. Like, I take so long at the whole big. But, um, but you know, I think about like, leading people in worship online is really just being genuine about it. Yeah, just being authentic about it. You know, if you have something that you feel you need to share, share it. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t you know, you’re given this tool. And if, if it’s there, and it’s accessible, then you should use it and you should use it in a way that is, is bringing the light into a dark place, you know, and I felt like that was my calling when I started Tik Tok is that I started to kind of scroll through and I always told my seventh grade small, small group girls, I was like, I’m never getting Tik Tok. I’m not gonna do it. I don’t belong there. I’m 20 years old, like, Oh, no. Um, and so I got on one day, I downloaded the app, I caved. And, you know, you scroll through it, and you’re like, Oh, that is? Ooh, oh, I didn’t want to see that, you know, kind of thing. Right? Right. And so what I found was, there is a place on tick tock, where Christians kind of throw in their, their little sprinkle of light. And I was like, Okay, I want to do that. I want to try that. Right. So I encourage other people to do that, just so we can make it brighter place.
Tell us how the album came together, especially during lockdown!
Yeah, so um, I mean, it’s been such a process because the original song that was posted on Tik Tok was not finished. So this song was called God if possible, and it’s a completely different song. And so, I waited a really long time to post the rest of the song, knowing that I didn’t really think that that was the song. Like the what was around this prayer was not the song that prayer was the bridge of another song. Um, and so one day, I was like, You know what, I’m gonna rewrite this. And, um, and so the other two writers that were on the song, I was like, What do you guys think about this? You know, what do you think about kind of going in and kind of reshaping this whole thing? And they were up for it. And my label was kind of starting to see what was happening to the song I’m online and they were like, Alright, do you want to? Do you want to work on this? And I was like, yes, absolutely. So there are about, like, 50 versions of this song. Like, there are so many different, terrible versions of the song. Um, and eventually, you know, so like I said, that prayer that came out of an anxiety attack. Well, the verses ended up being the exact same thing. I just felt the Lord, you know, leading me to the piano, and I sat down and I was like, What do I need to hear in this moment? And I was like, I need to, I need someone to speak the name of Jesus over me. And I was like, I speak the name of Jesus over you. And I wrote that out and posted that online as well. And then it did really good. And so I was like, Okay, I think we found it. Right. I think we figured it out. And then Ethan Holtz was another writer on the song, and we sat down on Zoom, and we wrote a bridge for it a new bridge. And in that moment, oh, it was so sweet. It was just like, such a good, like, representation of what the song came from. And it was just the presence of the Lord. And we in it on. And I just think that, like, this song came from every broken place that has ever been within me. And God truly turned it into something beautiful. Wow. I mean, I’ve seen that, but this was definitely one of the craziest experiences of that.