I’ve done a lot to solidify my voice as a writer. I love sarcasm and wit, and I employ those devices regularly in my writing. This particular article won’t have any of either. I don’t enjoy writing things that aren’t funny, but I believe this subject deserves attention. And so few people are willing to get up and tell you what you’re doing wrong. That said, I’m not exactly willing. I’ve felt a need to share some things and so that’s what this is. Not willingness to share, but an answer to what I perceive as a need.
First off, I think people tend to forget that they are people. What I mean is, we are all human. All susceptible to sin. All born into sin. All of us are very capable of sin. And that’s one of the reasons why I think this subject is so important. Because people forget.
Keep in mind that preventing yourself from walking into an affair is so much more than following a list of dos and don’ts. I say “walking in,” because it’s a choice. It’s not an accident.
I believe that we, as worship leaders, are targeted in the same way David was targeted. Male or female. And just like with him, I think our enemy knows us well enough. Pair that with the trend in CCM of male/female harmony. If you’re a leader, you’re a target. But you don’t have to be a victim. And neither does your spouse.
I’ve thought a lot about writing this. What to say, what points to cover, how long it should be, etc. I think it’s appropriate to say that this subject could be a book, and probably is. That’s not conducive to a blog format and my intention is for the most people possible to read it. So, with that in mind, I decided to only write about four particular things.
The following are four practical things, out of a multitude, that you can do to actively combat the seed of infidelity taking root. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that these steps alone will prevent an affair. They will not.
1. Don’t be alone.
Singing is intimate. Leading worship is intimate. Whether or not you’re singing with the opposite sex doesn’t detract from that. But if you are singing with the opposite sex, don’t rehearse alone.
I know what rehearsals look like. I know what churches look like. There is opportunity to be alone. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that the lyrics of a song will prevent you (or the person with whom you’re singing) from being tempted.
Don’t allow yourself to be caught in a position of compromise. You wouldn’t go hang out 1 on 1 with a friend of the opposite sex. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that just because you’re in a church, you won’t be tempted. Take specific steps to ensure that there are people around you who know you. Accountability.
Rehearse around other people.
2. Include your spouse.
One of the best things you can do for your marriage is to include your spouse in your passion. For most of us here at TCC, that’s music. Including your spouse in your passion creates a bond.
It doesn’t matter if your spouse is musically inclined. They loved you enough to marry you. They care about your interests.
Mistakes happen when people think that a bond won’t be made just because the person they’re singing with isn’t their spouse. Music is inherently emotional and connective. Including your spouse is the best way to stay accountable. Not only that, but worshiping with your spouse is a deeply connecting experience.
3. Think.
This is the most important. Think. About your family, about your reputation, about your future. An affair is something that God and people can forgive, but it’s not something people easily forget.
Consider the effect unfaithfulness would have on your spouse. Consider how you would feel if the tables were turned. Infidelity is a storm that not many marriages successfully weather.
It’s easy to push these thoughts away when you’re in the moment, but if you’ve taken the previous actions, you’re likely already thinking. The single biggest mistake you can make is to not think.
4. Get out.
When boundaries fail, sometimes this is your best answer. And it’s not a sign of weakness or fault. It’s a noble and wise thing to do.
If you find yourself in a position of compromise, get out. I don’t mean “think about getting out”. I mean get out.
Removing yourself from the situation is not a retreat. You won’t be losing a battle. On the contrary, you’ll be winning.
Satan is not a kid with a toy gun. He’s a real thing who uses real weapons. Getting out of a bad situation is a way of taking authority over him and letting him know you won’t fall for it. After all, it is a trap.
As I said before, we are targeted. And our enemy has seen our personality type before. We are nothing new. Don’t think for a second that you are immune. Or that your marriage is so strong, you are incapable of destroying it.
All these things will not prevent you from having an affair. They won’t save you. They won’t hold you accountable. They won’t mend a broken marriage. These are only 4 preventative steps, out of a multitude of actions that show and foster devotion to your spouse. This is advice, not a crystal ball.
I hope that you are wise and careful. I hope you are already doing these steps, and that you have safeguards in place. If you are already in a place of compromise, or are on the edge, don’t lose hope. Don’t forfeit. Don’t give up on your marriage. Claim the life you made a covenant to live and rest in that commitment. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you or your marriage is too far gone. Be active in growing and fighting for the life to which you’re called.
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