All The Wrong Reasons

When I first started in worship ministry leadership I had the gross misconception that I would have the opportunity to continually bask in the presence of Jesus, listening to and making worship music 24/7. “This is the LIFE!” I thought. I just knew that I was going to be so filled up with God that every Sunday would overflow with His presence and people would be moved to clap, sing, shout, repent and get saved every week! (We’ll maybe not every week). Within a month, my hopes were shattered as I began to realize the myriad of responsibilities that would consume my thoughts and activity. I became a trouble-shooter, equipment-researcher, team-builder, people-scheduler, chart-maker, volunteer-recruiter, vision-caster, budget-maker, project-manager, service-producer, production-analyzer, and pastor. At the time, it never dawned on me that taking care of all of the administrative responsibilities of ministry was the reason people weren’t responding in worship like I had expected.

My wife could see my frustration and asked me a simple question… “Are you spending time with God?” I immediately became defensive. Of course, I was! I was studying for team devotionals, listening to new worship music for the congregation, and praying with people every day. Then she asked me something that changed my entire perspective… “But what investment are you making in your own heart? You know you can’t give water from a well that’s dry.” What she said hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized I had been so busy making sure everything in ministry was getting the attention it needed, I was failing to attend to my own heart. The truth was, that even in the midst of spiritual activity, I was drying up spiritually and it was reflecting in how I led worship. I was deceived into thinking that ministry activity would provide spiritual replenishment. Boy, was I wrong.

I was going through all the right motions for all the wrong reasons. I was studying God’s Word, spending time in worship and taking time to pray but I was using it as a means to an end because I knew someone else needed it. How arrogant! I didn’t trust God enough to let Him fill me up and then provide an opportunity, if at all, to serve someone else.

Those of you who have found yourself in the same situation have probably already studied and gleaned from the biblical account of Mary and Martha. It’s the “go to” passage for all of us “doers” who have a hard learning how to “be”.
“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.””   -Luke‬ ‭10:38-42‬ 

Here are three take-aways that have proven invaluable:

SIT STILL AND LISTEN

First, notice Jesus’ response: “…few things are needed, indeed only one.” The one thing that was needed to fulfill everything else was simply to focus on getting to know Him. The very nature of God is relational and Jesus was saying that He desires time with us and wants us to be satisfied with simply being with Him. I had to learn how to sit and listen without the pressure of having to use it for the benefit of someone or something else. I had to learn that spiritual activity or expression doesn’t always provide spiritual refreshment. My service was an expression of my worship, but I wasn’t allowing it to connect in my heart. I had to get away and make time to fuel my “doing” through “being”. Yes, it took time to turn off my brain, but I didn’t rush the process. As the Word began to steep in my heart, I learned to slow down and cherish His presence.

RELEASE YOUR NEVER-ENDING SPRING

Jesus was also helping Martha understand that there would come a day when she would lose her ability to “do”. “…Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” I remember having a severe case of laryngitis in my 20’s which lasted for an extended period of time. I asked God why He would take away my expression of worship to Him. When it was gone, I thought I had no worship to offer. But the real problem was that my heart was dry. The Holy Spirit assured me that the outward activity of singing needed to be an expression of what was taking place in my heart. If I wasn’t able to worship, it wasn’t because I wasn’t able to sing, it was because my heart was dried up. Once I began to “be” in God’s presence, my heart began to fill up again and I was able to worship regardless of whether I could sing, play an instrument, show hospitality, lead a Bible study or whatever spiritual activity I was involved in. After our physical gifts and abilities have faded away, we will always have the ability to “be”, so when time of doubt and fear come, the time we’ve spent with Jesus will have strengthened our hearts and anchored our faith to the point that worship continues to overflow during those times.

REMEMBER WHY

Isn’t is funny how when you’re with someone you care about, just being with them makes you feel fulfilled. You don’t have to talk or do anything. Just the fact that they’re thinking about you and you them brings value. Like Martha, this is where the church at Ephesus went wrong.

“I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.”   -‭Revelation‬ ‭2:2-6 ‭

The church at Ephesus was so caught up in warning people against false doctrine, they had forgotten why they loved Jesus in the first place. They had lost their heart connection to all of their activity.

Love is expressed in many ways, but the more important one, according to Jesus, is remembering why we love each other. Forgetting the “why” is a pretty serious offense according to Jesus because He knows the dangers that come along with it. So much so, He threatened to remove the Church at Ephesus’ effectiveness as a light of the Gospel. Could that be what happened to me when I was so consumed by the administrative responsibilities of ministry? Had I quenched the power of the Holy Spirit in my leading because I hadn’t taken time to remember why I loved Jesus? Remembering how much Jesus loves me supplies me with a passion that allows His Holy Spirit to work and move with power. Any other way proves futile.