Setting Healthy Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is not only critical for great relationships, but most important, for living a life of intentionality and excellence. In their acclaimed book, Boundaries, authors Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend assert “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.”

It is my opinion that a sense of ownership is precisely what empowers us to live each day with intentionality, effectiveness, and focus. Distilling that thought down, I suppose the two words that help us set healthy personal and professional boundaries best are “yes” and “no.” Allow me to illustrate with a personal example of when I abandoned boundaries with far too many “yeses.”

It was like watching a car accident take place, only I was the one driving the car. “Yes,” I chimed in as excitedly as a fourth grader on a snow day. “I can do that, too!” And like that, I couldn’t slam on the brakes quick enough. I wasn’t looking, nor was I paying attention as my shortsighted words of commitment foolishly (and unnecessarily) collided into an already jam-packed schedule that had no business entertaining one more new project that particular week.

Crap. What did I just do?

Have you ever sat on a suitcase after knowingly over-crowding its limited capacity in an attempt to zip it closed? Well that’s exactly what I did to my schedule. With one short, three-letter word spelled “y-e-s,” I broke the zipper.

Boundaries abandoned.

Once again, I over-committed myself. Why? I don’t know. Because, perhaps, having an overly packed schedule looks impressive? Maybe it makes me appear important and needed? Get real. It’s actually exhausting. I may have had a lot on my plate that week, but sitting aside that full plate was a scrumptious side order of regret set to the tune of the all-familiar “We need you, Chris!” commitment.

Listen up. Saying “yes” to all things creates a busy life but not necessarily a productive life. But establishing healthy personal boundaries (especially for us worship artists empowers us to live with focus and intentionality that yields forward progress and momentum in our everyday life.

Swat the Busy Bees

I couldn’t afford to let this happen again, so I took action and formulated a game plan to flush this behavior down the drain and reclaim my boundaries. As a first step, I interviewed three very successful people who all agreed that margin is critical for success in life primarily because it provides clarity and focused energy on the endeavors that will be most profitable in the long run. What I discovered in the interview process is that the successful people I talked to make a concerted effort to filter through superfluous activities and only say “yes” to the things that add the most value to their lives. Simply put, they actively set healthy boundaries in life that allow them to be their best. In financial terms, they’re looking to maximize their return on investment. To a lot of us, a jam-packed schedule, appears impressive, but is it profitable?

No; a resounding “no.”

The Screaming Hellcat

One of my closest friends owns a Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat. It screams. It contains a supercharged 6.2-liter Hemi V8 engine, uncorks 650 pounds of torque, and muscles out 707 horsepower. Hot dang. Bruno Mars said it best, because that ride is “smoother than a fresh jar of peanut butter.” But if all he ever did were sit in the garage and rev the engine, he’d be wasting his time and money. That, my friend, is the difference between being busy and being productive with your personal potential.

Allow me to translate that for practical application: put the engine of your life in gear and do what matters most for the people that matter most.

So how do we filter through the clamor of busyness in order to accomplish that which is most productive and profitable? How do you and I learn to say “yes” to that which really matters most in life? How do we set boundaries that will enable us to effectively serve the Lord in our service to people? I believe the invaluable answer will emerge as you ask set healthy, God-centered boundaries in your life.

Ready? Go!